Idiot with a Corvette

After I got out of the Marines in 1962, I went to work for GM in Pontiac Michigan. I was a young punk with all the answers but didn't have a clue to the questions.

I was getting a decent paycheck and like a wise young man, worried about my future, I bought a 58 Corvette! That thing was a beauty! White, fuel injected four on the floor convertible. I needed that thing like a possum needs a purse but I figured it was to be a real chick magnet. Course the fact that I was a cocky know-it-all helped offset the benefits of the Corvette.

I would tool around in that bad boy and really make a pain in the arse out of myself. Local cops watched me like a hawk. I would go out on Woodward, main road between Detroit and Pontiac, and drag race every time I could scrape up enough money for a tank of gas. I beat that poor thing to death!

There was a drive-in restaurant in our little town, outside of Pontiac. It was an A&W Root beer stand. It had a large parking lot and as you pulled into it, the stand was on your right and directly ahead of you, about a hundred feet or so and about 5 feet lower than the road, was an old roller rink. The rink had long closed and was, at the time of this story, used for boat storage. The thing was full of boats, which we could not see, but there was a row of boats about 10 of them, on trailers, looking right at you, with trailer toungs facing the lot. This way they could just back up to them and tow them off when they wanted.

My greatest day of fame  happened in this lot.

I was in the evening on the Fourth of July, 1962. I sure remember that day!

This town I lived in, Keego Harbor Michigan, was a resort town and situated on Cass Lake, the largest lake in our county. There are numerous beaches on that lake, the largest of which is at Dodge Park. This is the park that I had my best day of detecting on, many years later.

The day had been just beautiful and the evening was warm. I was out tooling around in my Vette, just a lookin’ good I was a figuring. I drove by the A&W, we called it the “A”, a couple times but it was just getting busy. I was not gonna enter until it was full and I could make an entrance! I was the man- least I figured I was. It didn’t cross my mind that I was single, it was the Fourth of July, I had a Vette and I was alone! What a dork.

Finally it was time. The place was packed and I was ready. I had the top down and was lookin’ good! Greasy assed hair all slicked back, shirt sleeves rolled up to show my puny arsed bicept (girls really liked that I figured) I had my Marine tattoo a showing and my left arm a squershed against the car to make my arm look big! Girls like that too you know. What a dork.

I knew a lot of the people that were there, all setting in their cars and eating and gabbing. I came a wheeling into that lot all swolt up like a toady frog. I was the man! What a dork!  I was rolling slowly and gunning my motor a bit. I would pop the clutch and get a little patch of rubber. Girls loved that, don’tchaknow? Runnnnn-Runnnnn-Runnnn-Screetch!! I just swolt a little more.

People looked at me and my buddies tooted their horns and waved. Some of the girls even waved which sorta made me loose my presence of mind, I’ma figuring. Man I was in hog heaven. I was a revvin and a squeeling and the horns were a beepin’ and the girls were a waven’ and I was a waven’ and a grinnin! I was a wavin’ right and I was a wavin and grinin’ left, problem was I shoulda orta beena lookn’ ahead a bit!

While I was a beepin’ and a grinin’ and a revvin’ and a squeelin’, I wasn’t a lookn’!

I run the front end of that Corvette dead on to the toung of a big arsed boat trailer! And I mean “ON”! That damn trailer ran plumb though my hood and through the radiator! I was stuck on that damn thing like a hog on a spit! I tried to back off but it was a big boat and I was stuck! My tires were a squeeling now, I am here to tell you! Steam a coming out of the derned radiator like Old Faithful, my new Vette all screwed up and I was a looking for a cool way out of the situation. Hummm?? Fonzy couldn’ta “Cooled” himself outa this one! I wonder if anyone noticed?  First thing I did was to slink down in the seat and in some way, hoping nobody had seen me do it! Nope! There were at least 60 cars full of kids and they had all saw the dork get his due!

Man the horns were a blowing now and everyone was laughing their arses off! Boy I made their day. “Hey Royal? Got a problem?” Muuuhahahahahahahhahaahhaha I weren’t the only dork there that night, I was a thinking!

This was back when things were a lot different with the young people. Back in the days when a guy would be embarassed to fart around a girl let alone swear. Least that is the way we were.

A buddy and his girlfriend came up to me a laughing. He asked me if I had a problem. The girl was just a standing there and I said, “Boy I F****d up! She said, “What did you say?” and I must have even have turned a reder red than I already was. All I could do is look at here and say,”Twice”.

I could not get off that darned trailer toung so a few of my buddies came over and helped shove me off the thing.

I had to leave the thing set in the lot until I got enough money together to fix the thing.

Well that is one that will always stick with me  