Man Things

You know I have been batching it up here in Roscommon for a good part of the summer. My home in Waterford is on the market and Mary doesn't want me under foot and messing up the house. I don't mind a dang bit and it has given me time to landscape up here.

It is amazing the things a man learns when he don't have a woman under foot and watching his every move :D A feller learns that he just ain't never gonna do it right.

Now Mary is messing up here. I am finding that there are many things the wimmin tell us that just ain't so.

For instance. This making the bed every day just is not necessary when there is no woman around. I have even gone seven whole days without making the thing occasionally and you know what? I still sleep just as well.

For instance two. This bull about seperating whites and coloreds is a bunch of rot too. I found that I can just pack that washer with anything and it runs just fine. That is another thing I found out on my own. Wimmin just don't know how to save neigher. I found that you can pack that washer and I mean PACK it and when you run it it uses little water and I checked and almost everything gets plenty wet. I don't know what this, you are filling the washer too full, is all about. I bet I would not even need soap but I am afraid she will notice how much has been used and I will be in trouble.

I found out also that if your hungry toast and milk, bread and milk or crackers and milk satisfys you just fine. Maybe a little grated cheese or sour cream, I prefer chip dip myself, on top to satisfy the three main food groups. There is meat in chip dip isn't there?

If I have time I eat like she dun taught me to though. I had chicken thighs, corn and taters for supper tonight and I cooked them. Raw is ok but not every night.

I also have found out that if you take a fresh killed chipmunk and put it on a stump by your little garden pond the little sucker will draw flys in a heart beat. The frogs just love it and I find that they crawl right up on the chipmunk and slerp up the flys as they come in to land! Now that is exciting news because I will not have to worry about feeding the frogs. I am anxious to see if the fish will eat the maggots when the little fly eggs hatch too. I just move my chair around when the smell gets strong. Now if Mary was up here I would probably not be able to do that! I am gonna watch for a dead possum on the road and if I can find one and replace the chipmunk I can probably get more frogs! Whoda thunk it! I was gonna take a picture of the frog on the dead chipmunk but thought little missy might not understand like us men folk. They just don't understand conservation like us men do.

I went out for a little while last night, as I mentioned in an earlier post. I was setting there and this local female was setting across the bar. She was about 35 and sorta snaggle toothed like a lot of them are up here. She said, I think, that on the way to work she saw a bear cross the road, as she got closer to work she saw an Eagle along the road eating on something and on the way home she saw two bear cubs. Now this is rare for up here! Now she told it for the truth and she might have been drunk, I could not tell for sure as she was not talking to me but I suspect that is the case becasue she peed her pants right there at the bar. Now up here that don't necessaryly mean anything because of all the inbreeding lots of people do that up here.

I am setting on my deck right now with my video camera ready in case that deer turkey couple comes in again. A big doe was here as I was cooking but no turkey. I was lucky enough to see the Scarlet Taninger again and got it on the video, not much though. We rarely see them up here. It was inspecting my little garden pond. Maybe he wants some maggots or something :D

I have noticed other things that I never knew. I figure it is because I usually have a woman around to tell me things and let me know how dumb I am. It isn't only Mary but bout every lady I have had anything to do with.

I know one thing I have found out, in fact it was last night. I figure that there ought to be some critter that would like the leavings on my plate. You know, Chicken bones and corn lickings and taters and such. Well I just put that plate and the bowls, I am civilized you know, out on the proch for the night. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone!

Sure nuff, this morning they were licked clean as a whistle! It was amazing. I had a hard time finding the bowl that the taters were in though. It was our best tupperware bowl and I had to go find it. I think it is broke. There is holes all through it and it looks like teeth holes.

Mary has been wanting some of that new squershy down tupperware and I figure it would be a great time to supprise her with some. :D

I brung the dishes in, except the broke tupperware and looked them over and there was not a scrap of food on them. Corse I was not some kind of turnip eater from down south and I was not gonna eat after some critter, especially some critter that I did not know the type of, so I took a nice clean paper towel and wiped them off!! Now that is what I call clean! I put those fellers right back in the cupboard and didn't even waste any soap. You think I am a kidding? Now the next time the wife goes away, try it!!

Nother thing that I have noticed is that... well you know, when you got to pass wind a little bit. When wimmin are around I noticed that, even when I was a being sneaky, I would hear a phuuutpig. Phuutpig. every time I did that thing. I ain't no good at writing fart sounds so the fart sound is Phuuutpig. The thing I learned is when there ain't no woman around they just sound like Phuuut. I don't understand it because it has been that way with all the wimmin I been around. There have been a number and they all sorta dumped me and I don't understand it.

It is much the same way when you have a good meal and there is a lady there. A feller just has to naturally burp a little. Problem is it always comes out Burppig. I always here that. Burppig burppig. Everytime I hear that little pig sound right after getting comfortable. When the wimmin ain't there I don't hear the pig thingie after the noise. Strange.

I also found out that a squirrel has feet as tough as leather. I have that dang feeder pole just crisscrossed with hot wire and ground wire and the little bas... er, feller still climbs the pole and steals the seeds. I finally went to town today and bought a squirrel proof feeder and a fifty lb bag of sunflower seeds. Shoulda seen that on the little scooter. I got it put up and he ain't got a single sunflower seed. Problem is, neither have the birds. They seem scared of it! Great :( Seed ought to last a long time now though...